IM Etiquette: 8 Tips from Top Social Media Users
March 4, 2008 4:48 pm Social MediaThis post is a follow-up to my previous post, “I Am Not Your Digg Whore.” On Twitter, I mentioned that I received several requests for the t-shirt featured on the post, which prompted Maki to suggest I write a Do’s and Don’ts post about IM usage.
Many online users include their personal IM information on their social sites profiles. They wouldn’t include it if they wanted it to be a secret. At the same time, they aren’t looking to be bombarded, either. Unfortunately these sites do not allow you to add a disclaimer before sharing that information. If I could write my own, it would probably say something to the effect of, “Only IM me if you want to talk. Don’t bombard me with links.”
When I discussed the misuse of IM with Tamar Weinberg, she noted, “Basically, I realize that Digg has been less enjoyable because of algorithm changes and penalizing regular users. That means that these users ‘have’ to beg for votes. Is the Digg experience enjoyable anymore for those users? Obviously not.” However, there is a way to request votes without offending the IM recipients.
Top social media users provided the following tips:
1- Respect the user’s time. Don’t try to initiate a dialogue if you aren’t interested in continuing it.
“Don’t waste my time on IM. If you need something - let me know right away. Be cordial but don’t be annoying and try to “force” a conversation.” Chris Winfield
2- Do not link-pimp your or your friend’s submission without providing the required pleasantries.
“Please don’t just message me with a link and ask for votes (unless we’re really good friends, in which case spam me all you want). I’m willing to vote on your content but dont abuse IM communication solely for that purpose…” Muhammad Saleem
3- Understand that the purpose of sites like Digg, Mixx, StumbleUpon, Reddit, etc is to share quality content.
“Digg has changed a lot since it began and unfortunately a culture of IM-ing has sprung up. I don’t think that is what social news is about - but that is what a lot of new users are learning.” David Cohen
4- Treat IM differently than shouts. IM is more personal and is mainly used for dialogue, not just requesting help.
“IM is a good way to interact on a more personal level with fellow social media users in real time. But when users are just passing you links and nothing more, it becomes no different than site mail or shouts.” Gerard Barberi
5- Be extremely selective about the submission you would like to forward to friends. Don’t barrage them with every submission you made that day.
“I use IM sparingly for social media. When I say sparingly, I can count on one hand the links I’ve IMed in the last month. It’s an effective tool, and I don’t mind getting sent links, but I only really want the best of the best. If it’s just some link that’s close to hitting the front page but not something I would Digg normally, I don’t really want it. I’ll Digg it, but I won’t be happy!” JD Rucker
“I will end up being less receptive to your submissions if you keep IM bombing me.” SilentJay74
“I’m sorry to say it, but I used to be really bad with IM messages relating to social media submissions. I have since ceased this behavior, and rather than just shooting links to random people, I’m finding it a much more rewarding experience engaging in conversations. Taking the time to ‘be social’ in social media, while some might think is time consuming, can actually help your submissions and involvement in whatever social media site you hang out at. ” Greg Davies
6- Ask permission before sending a link on IM. Offer to return the favor.
“Unless you know the other party extremely well, practice tact by first asking permission to share links of interest. Even then, share your links sparingly in the beginning while engaging the other person in conversation. It makes sense to talk about common topics which matter to a fellow social media user and offer assistance by asking “is there anything I can do for you?” before proceeding to extract a benefit, particularly if your aim is only to acquire social media votes.” Maki
7- Don’t link the same person with your submissions daily.
“Another method is to rotate the people you ask favors from, so you’re not overloading a specific person by taking too much. This dynamic will of course change, as you become a lot more familiar with the other person.” Maki
8. Social media is about being social. So be friendly and enjoy the relationships that you create online!
“I don’t mind as much when someone just sends me a link to check out, but I really hate it when it’s someone I’ve never talked to before and they just send a link and then disconnect.” FirstDigg
Thanks to all the top users who provided me with their input about the best IM practices.
March 4th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
Reem, that was a great post. It’s funny how people will force a conversation just to beg for a vote. I like most people would rather them just ask for the vote and go on. Or don’t ask for the vote at all
It’s ashame that Digg has kind of forced users into this situation; but I also understand that Digg doesn’t want to be gamed constantly. Thanks for laying down some great guidelines for social users and im etiquette.
March 4th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
Nice points there Reem!
I think you may have to start an ‘online etiquette’ category pretty soon
March 4th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
Good pints really. And I was glad to see Maki speak up and tell people to stop contacting him through social channels he’s shared, simply because they wanted something.
A friend likes you for who you are, and what you say.
We all have enough of them without entertaining thinly veiled spam 2.0.
The Golden rule applies exactly to Social Media: It’s ALL about being fully conscious of other PEOPLE, (they’re not just user names), and how you treat them.
I hope everyone reads your 8 smelling salts above.
Thank You,
Ed
March 4th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
Actually, let’s file this under: Common Sense.
March 4th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
@Sonny Gill,
Yeh, true. Although social media has been around for some time now, I have yet to see the community work out some “code of ethics.” Not that no one has tried. Mu recently wrote a post on shout ettiquette and the top users at Mixx have put together a sort of unofficial Mixx code of conduct. But, I feel that we are currently some distance fomr having an “official” [community generated] how-to guide and code of conduct for social bookmarkers. It’s hard being a newbie. My experience has been - so far - that we have been going by “word of mouth” in passing on knowledge.
A little random sentence to bypass Wordpress’s comment dupe detection.
March 4th, 2008 at 8:43 pm
All great points, Reem.
Sometimes people forget the ‘Social’ element of Social Media.
March 4th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
nice work, Reem. I’ve totally pulled away from IM after it started completely halting my productivity. Then it’s just hard for me to impose a conversation on others. Do you think it’s worthwhile to run multiple public/private IM accounts?
March 4th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
Great run-down Reem - I like “I will end up being less receptive to your submissions if you keep IM bombing me.” — so very true!!!
March 5th, 2008 at 3:42 am
I think it’s interesting how social networking has evolved. It turned into serial digging at first, then “advanced” into a lobbying system where mass shouting was everything, now I’d say it’s a bit more balanced. A little IM + shout or just using the IM to socialize and make friends. People underestimate the value of making quality relationships on Digg and loyalty that follows.
Overall, it can be a bit overwhelming, and although I agree w/ Dave that it’s not what social networking should be about.. I think that’s the future of social networking.
March 5th, 2008 at 10:53 am
You binged it on that post. I know I have broken a few of those rules in the beginning “Guilty of self hitting up contacts for Sphinns”, but you get the gist over time. One of the downsides to not knowing when you are asking to much. Thanks for the informative and much needed post to establish to groundwork for those new to the game.
March 5th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Excellent points. Rules to live by. Should be added to the 10 Commandments of social media that’s for sure.
March 5th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Its an interesting post the only thing I find that can get really annoying is a, new friend requesting a ton a rates in one day.. why gee whiz!
It just seems a little greedy..and desperado!
For the most part IM is a great tool for Social Marketing.. Nice post!
March 5th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Great suggestions. Same exact list for DM @ Twitter.
March 5th, 2008 at 11:28 pm
Good post. My one addition is:
Have patience with those new to Social Networking. Some people may break the (often unwritten) rules, but have good content and be genuine. I have come across a few people who jumped in, but were humble enough to take advice and learn. Help them rather than blast them.. if they don’t take your advice, then blast them
March 6th, 2008 at 12:10 am
@Anthony a.k.a Old School
Great point. Without the help of seasoned users (some of which are featured in this post), I would have broken every rule in the book.
But I also advise n00bs to go through the discovery phase first. Observe the community and watch for trends before jumping in head first. Many of the top users lurked in social sites before participating.
March 6th, 2008 at 12:48 am
I like the fact that you’ve collected the advice from social media experts and presented it in this way. Good list and all very true points. Nice follow up too!
March 6th, 2008 at 1:40 am
Informative post. I wish it had been up a few months ago when I started trying to tackle this social media world. I found out most of these things through trial and error, though being a writer and only having one blog with no monetization aspirations to speak of, have little in the way of links to share. I did however try to align myself with some of the giants on Digg. I can remember chatting with Muhammad a few times and scaring him off with my frankness about going to prison as a youth. It just became real quiet all of a sudden. Great post Reem.
March 6th, 2008 at 3:35 am
I agree with Maki …
In every social interaction it is just crude and tactless to ask for things without establishing that there is a genuine interest from the other person before hand. At least entertain them, or do a little song and dance … but a cold request is just that. cold.
I see a lot of link requests that are more abrupt than what you might expect of a gas station pan-handler …
I have made a tactless link request to a friend before. Though we are still alright, to this day I am embarrassed to speak to that person. They probably don’t even think about it … but I do.
Is a link worth blowing your friendship - your reputation?
I believe that the number one rule in social media as well as any other environment where people are interacting, should be that of the golden rule. Treat people as you would have others treat you. More importantly … treat people, like people. Not whores. Thanks for the great post Reem.
Edward
March 6th, 2008 at 5:55 am
Like it Reem, a bit of courtesy goes a long way. “Ask permission before sending a link on IM. Offer to return the favor.” There’s no harm in being polite! Nice follow up
March 6th, 2008 at 5:59 am
Great points Reem! All of these are mostly common sense to any self respecting social media user! I just love how you documented this! thanks.
March 6th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
There is also an element of symmetry . If a user shares 2 story a day, it is reasonable to share a similar amount back.
When I share a a few links a week and people im me with links 20 times a day with links it gets tiresome, but please do IM me, I love to meet new people and share links.
March 7th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
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April 3rd, 2008 at 2:26 pm
thanks for the post, i specially enjoy the fact that you took the time to put quotes from people well known into social medias. Asking/begging for votes on social sites is a real problem that we’re all facing.
May 25th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
This is good information. It should be required reading for social media IM’ers. I have certainly learned from reading it.
May 25th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
What a great post. I’m relatively new to social media and it would never have occurred to me to IM someone and ask for a Digg (or whatever). I always thought the people who put their IM info in their profile were a bit nutty.
It just seemed like an open invite for a host of a/s/l IMs.
But it’s interesting to read the comments to see how many people are actually open to this kind of contact - as long as it’s done in an appropriate way.
Thanks a lot, I definitely learned something today!
May 26th, 2008 at 5:47 am
So we can spam now? Hmm maybe I’ll try it with one of my stories. Not quite sure though!
May 26th, 2008 at 6:15 pm
@MikeonTV
This post does not encourage spamming at all. It is addressing how people abuse the IM system and use fellow users as their digg whores. If you want to use IM to share interesting stories that matter a lot to you, then the above tips might be helpful.
June 14th, 2008 at 9:55 pm
i love talking to people too… it really is rewarding like you said, you can get more info that way as well as learn more about people who share similar interests as you…
my AIM name is in my profile… feel free to message me.
http://www.digg.com/users/rdeal1
July 12th, 2008 at 4:35 am
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