Constant Connection Affecting your Offline Relationships?
December 3, 2008 11:10 am Social Media
When friends convince you to join a social network, they mention all the positive aspects of being connected. They tell you about reconnecting with friends or how sites can assist you with finding a new job. Some only want you to join these sites just to have you on board. But they usually forget to mention that the sites can be addictive and time-consuming. If you aren’t careful, it might even impact your offline relationships.
Social media can impact your communication with offline friends. It is easy to get distracted by the hubbub that occurs online while hanging out with a friend. If you are logged on while talking to a friend, you may be distracted by the email alerting you to a new message and the IM anxiously blinking. Although we are accustomed to juggling several things at once, it is still quite challenging to have more than one conversation simultaneously. It seems like one always gets the short end of the stick.
How many of you have even experienced dialogs like this:
You: I have this hilarious story to tell you.
Friend: Oh? Tell me!
<Twitter message for you pops up>
You: Hmmm <as you quickly type a response>
Friend: …
You: So, I was out shopping and I ran into…
< Twitter reply pops up AND an IM message>
You: Hmm… I… hmmm… saw… <as you quickly type your responses>
Friend: … Hello? You saw…?!?!
You: Sorry, ok… back to what I was saying…
You’re lucky if your friend doesn’t walk away frustrated by your rude behavior. Those who are still unfamiliar with the addictive nature of the social world might not understand why you have shifted your attention. Hell, even those who are connected could be offended.
If you, have the “too connected” addiction like I do, here are some recommendations I have found helpful:
1- Apologize: You know you were being rude by disregarding your face-to-face conversation. Let the person know that you respect and value their friendship, especially if this ALWAYS happens.
2- Educate: Explain how distracting being connected might be and that you will work on being a better listener
3- STOP: If you are having a conversation with a friend, step away from the computer. Ignore the flashing, beeping and ringing. Set your IM to “busy” and answer your emails when you get the chance. Your online friends will understand, because they’ve probably had to deal with the same situation.
Have you had a similar problem? If so, how did you handle it?
Follow up post discussing how being too connected can impact your professional life.
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Short answer = YES!
Friday night Drill Downs rather than discos, after hours sessions get in the way of the flow with “normal” people who are totally free after 5 p.m.!
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:50 pm
It’s easy to get caught up in focusing too much on online connections but it’s just one example of many distractions.
You could argue the same with television or computers in general. There’s nothing more annoying to me than being in a meeting and someone is not even paying attention; focusing on email or a blackberry instead.
You’re totally correct though about understanding the situation and apologizing/acknowledging it. Of course, it’s important to then try harder the next time as well.
December 3rd, 2008 at 1:18 pm
What’s timely topic Reem I’ve always thought online networking activity should facilitate, not take away from, real world connections. Some of the I online tools are so easy to use and do such a good job with feedback mechanisms that it’s also too easy to get distracted from what is important.
What gets people in trouble is too much emphasis on sockets as an end rather than a means to an end. At least in my opinion.
December 3rd, 2008 at 1:33 pm
I really wish I could say that this doesn’t apply to me, but I am notorious among friends for getting distracted by the constant stimuli being fired from the laptop screen into my brain. i have to consciously disconnect and just close the laptop without even shutting down, because otherwise I will get distracted while closing out all of the tabs and conversations. great post!
December 4th, 2008 at 8:05 am
What?! I don’t see Google Girl avatar on that screen.
No love, No love.
In either case, I’ve been on both ends of this topic.
December 4th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
I’ve learned that internet friends are understanding, whereas 3D people usually aren’t. My husband throws a fit– and rightfully so — when I take away time from him to talk to people I barely know online.
There have been times when I’ve had to hard shut-down my laptop and leave it off all day in order to make my husband happy, and you know what? Internet friends don’t care. They’ll survive, for heaven’s sake. And if they get pissed off, there’s a million other people on the internet to talk to. Marriage, family and real-life friends must always come first.
December 5th, 2008 at 9:15 am
[...] Csutoras highlighted a great post by Rabeidoh that asked, “Constant Connection Affecting your Offline Relationships“. I’m confused. What are offline [...]
December 8th, 2008 at 10:41 am
Man am I behind on my reading. I do this way too many times. I’ll be talking to my friends and either twitter pop ups, IM’s or emails come in and I always say “Hold on one minute, I’m sorry I need to respond to this” and I can tell my friends are getting impatient.
It’s like you said Reem, we need to disconnect from our online world and pay attention to our Offline Relationships.
Thanks for the tips Reem, I will certainly put take them to hear and put them to use.
December 12th, 2008 at 4:16 am
I’ve adopted a prioritisation approach wherein IMs and emails are lower in the pecking order than say face-to-face or telephone comms. But I always endeavour to be polite and exercise good manners.
December 30th, 2008 at 11:53 pm
Don’t forget the pre-Internet (and still with us) interruption: “Hold on, the phone is ringing”.
Julie: “3-D people” - I have to remember that one.
I think sometimes we forget, as we multitask 4 IM sessions, email, and twitter, that a physical person has a different expectation of immediacy.