Are Social Media Users Anti-Social In Real Life?
December 22, 2008 9:31 am Social Media
My fiance posted the following status on his facebook profile Friday morning: Howard McAuliffe is wondering if social media people tend to be anti-social when not on media. I am sure many people have asked this question before, and bloggers have addressed it at some point or another.
I think the first point to address is the term “social media people.” I have participated in many sites this past year and have yet to see an average Digg member or a Tweep referring to himself as a “social media person.” I think marketers coined that term to easily identify users who engage in the space. That term has gained traction where “online users” is now synonymous with “social media people.” A user can be engaged online but not be social with others. I think this is an important distinction to make.
Having made that distinction, I believe Howard’s question was with regards to users who are social and have conversations with one another. They are naturally participating in the space, providing content that they consider valuable/funny/intelligent/silly and sharing their opinions with the masses. When looking at it from this angle, it makes me wonder - is socializing online equivalent to being social offline?
While I am very active online, it is no more than I am in real life. I follow 600+ people on Twitter. I read their tweets, and respond to the ones that appeal to me. If I have something personal to say, I will send them a direct message. If I really connect with a fellow user, I will move the conversation to IM or email. Over time, a friendship may blossom. So far, that type of relationship has only developed with 20% of the total users I connect with online. My online social activity mirrors that in real life - we only build relationships with people who share common interests and we connect with.
The internet has evolved allowing people to easily voice their opinions and be heard by the masses. Although there are commonalities between social behavior online and offline, they aren’t regarded the same. A user shouldn’t automatically be deemed anti-social just because he doesn’t feel like going out with a bunch of friends on a given night. If a person constantly declines human interactions in favor of playing on the internet, perhaps there is an addiction issue at hand. Obviously, I am not addressing online addicts or hermits in this discussion.
To directly answer Howard’s question, I would have to say that it depends on the person. I know, it sounds like a cop-out response, but I can’t speak for the millions of online users and their varied social desires or habits. I close with these questions - There are many online users who have more friends online than in real life. Given this, is there a viable correlation between a person’s online activity and whether they are anti-social in real life? And if someone is more social online than in real life, does that mean he shares more common interests with his online community of friends?
December 22nd, 2008 at 9:36 am
For me there’s less friction communicating online, so I probably do it more…
But I also recognize that the online social sphere (ie: social media before “social media” existed) has helped me gain real world social skills…
So in the early days I was much less social offline than online both because I didn’t know how to be social outside of really small groups and because I wasn’t comfortable outside of very, very small groups…
These days though, while I still perform better in small groups, I’ve learned to enjoy most group settings enough that I’d say I *am* less social offline than online, that’s only because online is almost always a “small group” situation where offline is almost always a larger group situation - where I’ll likely never be 100% comfortable.
December 22nd, 2008 at 9:41 am
I’m fortunate to work in a setting that allows me to be social with a lot of people, for short periods of time each day. When the weekend comes though I find myself socializing online more frequently than going out and being social so I’d have to say generally that I’m less social in person.
December 22nd, 2008 at 9:45 am
I’d bet a lot is determined by the balance of online social(Social Media, email, txt) vs. offline social(phone calls, face-to-face interaction). In my experience people who lead sheltered lives at home but are the opposite online seem to “out of practice” when dealing with people live and in real time. They miss the veil to hide behind and have trouble thinking on their feet.
December 22nd, 2008 at 9:48 am
I probably seem more social online than I am in person, in most cases.
December 22nd, 2008 at 9:50 am
My name was published on your blog. Where should I send the check?
December 22nd, 2008 at 9:51 am
As I said on Twitter, I think that social media helps facilitate many of my existing off-line relationships. Also, I think that having more friends online than off could mean that social media enables us to form casual connections with people on a global,professional level.
December 22nd, 2008 at 9:52 am
RE: Are Social Media Users Anti-Social In Real Life?
No. I feel social outreach has made me more inclined to speak at events and attend local meetups.
December 22nd, 2008 at 10:52 am
I think that social media is often used to maintain and grow existing relationships. This is by far the main reason I use social media. I have rekindled friendships and maintained friendships because of social media.
At the same time, I think that many people use social media as the majority of their social life. I think that these people tend to be socially uncomfortable when dealing with face to face interaction.
I don’t think it is necessarily a bad thing. Some people are just less inclined to participate in traditional social functions. It is a great outlet for people to have human interaction who might otherwise be sitting around watching tv or playing video games.
December 22nd, 2008 at 11:47 am
I don’t necessarily think there is a true correlation between how social you are online or offline.
I do think however, that people who have social phobias, anxieties and are generally uncomfortable in social situations are less likely to feel that way in an online community. When someone who doesn’t like social interactions in real life is able to be in the comfort of their home, on their computer without the feelings or fears of being judged by others they can socialize just like anyone else.
The people who are not social offline are most likely people who want to be social and have a need for social interactions but due to that anxiety they avoid the situations.
So, I think that if you are social in everyday life you’ll probably be just as social online and if you are not very social in real life you may be more inclined to be social online.
Now if you are truly an “Anti Social” personality then you have some deeper issues there.
December 22nd, 2008 at 10:23 pm
The people that are interesting enough to follow/friend/etc on Social Media sites are generally the ones that do things in their real lives. Social Media is simply an aggregate for offline behavior. You communicate in groups with like minded interests - but your offline behavior dictates it all. At least, that’s what I’ve noticed…
December 29th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
I am much more social online than I am in regular life. I’m quite antisocial otherwise. I’ve never understood that about me, but I’ve learned to quit questioning it
December 29th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
Honesty here: I’m more social online than in real life.
Online, it’s easier to just block someone if annoyed or unsubscribe if offended.
IRL, it’s not quite that easy.
December 29th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
I always said social media is the revenge of the shy people.
December 29th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
Do you mean actually talk to people? Hmmmm.
December 29th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
I follow only 200 somewhat odd people, but having 700 followers or so, I completely recognize how hard it is to create meaningful relationships with all followers. However, I have created wonderful, long-lasting friendships thanks to my use of social media. And I’m very social in real life.
I submitted a proposal to the Vancouver-based conference Northern Voice 2009 for a talk EXACTLY on this topic. I’d write more about this but, obviously, I don’t want to write about it before the conference!
December 29th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
I think the post content ignores several groups of people such as;
Artists who work alone, and don’t have the time to get out and socialize more.
The eldery
Persons with disabilities
Finacialy challenged people
Persons with more than one job
Single moms and dads
Professions like Doctors who might be working 80 hrs a week
December 29th, 2008 at 6:43 pm
I am pretty much the same offline as I am online. I choose to engage in activities both online and offline that I am passionate about and friend people that have something to say. I am not anti social offline, I am just introverted.
I guess that is why me and the internet get along so well it helps me to feed my introverted needs while trying to break out and be more extroverted. I think also that it helps me to better communicate online because typing forces you to think about what you want to say to someone. I am really a mess when it comes to being in social settings because I feel I am in unfamiliar territory. I become the proverbial wallflower and really have no clue what to talk about to other people.
Now if I did go to an internet marketing event or something related to the internet such as SEO or market research maybe that would be a different story it would depend on how inferior I felt to those who I know who have been in the scene a lot longer than I have. Then I am the type of person to keep my mouth shut and my ears open so I can learn what they have to say and get to know their mannerisms before I start joking around with them because not everyone gets my sense of humor.
December 29th, 2008 at 6:45 pm
yes, i believe there is some correlation. partially personally speaking.
however, as a sociologist i think we have to look at the larger picture. technology has change how we communicate as a whole.
we say “hello” by simply “poking” someone on Facebook, or texting someone so we don’t have to call them, or use extremely short e-mails rather than hand written letters.
in a way we have transitioned from longer more quality communications to short frequent ones focusing on quantity.
do myspace, flickr, facebook, and twitter HAVE to put the # of friends on the public profile? No. There’s no need to really know how many you have, unless it’s a score, a race, a contest.
it has changed having to be social. technology has given us less face to face interaction. we dont have to say hit to a cashier at the grocery store, we don’t even have to call someone to plan something, just create a facebook event.
December 29th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
Well, it depends on individuals.
I do spend a great deal of time online. Having just moved to Perth, I don’t have that many friends yet. Chatting with like-minded friends on twitter, and keeping in touch with old friends via msn and facebook is most certainly helping to keep me sane.
Lots of tweeples I know have a life outside the time they spend tweeting. They spend time with workmates, friends, family; doing other social things and outdoors too!
On the other extreme, I know a couple who both work all day and then go home to their online gaming stations and spend the rest of the time, ‘making’ friends online, and that’s all they do. They drink energy drinks as they can’t be bothered to cook. And it’s hard to have any conversation with them as they’re too zoned into their game strategies. In this extreme, we have to not only question how social it it, but how bad for the health it is too.
December 29th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
I absolutely disagreed with “Deb Ng”, I don’t think Only shy people using Social Media.
Its infact close interaction even if you are at distance from your friends.
Social Media and especially services like twitter are simply fabulous.
Thanks
Kashif Raza
December 29th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
Terry I fall into the single mom of a disabled child and my finances are often challenged. These factors really do play a huge part into not being able to just pack up and go to IM events and other events I would love to go to such as BlogHer and ComicCon.
ComicCon is really on my list of conferences to go to as I hear it is a digital designers dream palace.
December 29th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
I mean there are obviously a lot of different types of people using Social Media, but I think the real introverted people are more likely “hover” in conversations on Twitter and other social media, but not really partake in the actual conversation, unless they find it really interesting.
Bottom line, I think anyone will use social media, but they will use it in different ways; ways that make them comfortable. For people who are extrovert, that means being a part of many conversations, if you are introvert, few conversations and more behind the scenes.
December 29th, 2008 at 7:20 pm
I’m a “well-socialized” introvert. I can strike up a conversation with anyone anywhere and hold my own articulately about several subjects, but thank the lord I don’t have to. Small talk bores me, I prefer not to drink, and I like staying in with my dog or netflixing with dear friends, so ’social media’ suits me perfectly. I can stay home, but still stay in touch.
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December 29th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
@M K Raza - It was a joke.
December 29th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
I’m far more social offline than online. However, I’m a more articulate online communicator than offline. Go figure.
December 29th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
I was surprised to see that, of 24 comments so far, only two mention the word “introvert”. And, no, Matt Haupt, introverted people are not “more likely to ‘hover’ in conversations … but not really partake in the actual conversation”. That’s not part of what introverted means. Some introverts (like Joe Cheray and me) find the Intranet to be a great place to be social. Extroverts are energized by being around people; Introverts recharge with “alone” time. Being around people drains us.
On the Web, we can interact, communicate, talk, and listen, without being around people. For an introvert who isn’t shy (the two don’t go hand in hand) social media is terrific. I am much more articulate in writing (personality trait unrelated to intro/extro/vert) and far more “social” online and .
December 30th, 2008 at 11:54 am
I’d say that it’s all a matter of the individual. Generally people coming online bring their personality with them, as well as their work ethic.
So, if a person is affable and chatty offline, and looks to help other, that will come over when they use whatever social media tool they feel comfortable with.
Adversely, if someone’s only out for themselves offline (and I don’t mean that in a necessarily bad way), then that too will filter through their online persona.
If social media is about the conversation, you will get that in droves with people who genuinely want to converse, network, and grow the community.
If, on the other hand, you want to simply broadcast, you’ll definitely find that as well.
Social media is simply the bus - how people drive it is how effectively it will get you to your destination, and whether or not you enjoy the ride.
December 31st, 2008 at 8:29 am
[...] Are those who use social media anti-social in real life? I’ve often wondered about [...]
December 31st, 2008 at 8:52 am
I have found that the older I have gotten, the less social I have become. I found myself wondering just the other day, “just when did I become my Dad?”
Social Media provides a safe and easy outlet to be social without having to exert too much energy or having to risk too much.
December 31st, 2008 at 7:28 pm
I think that almost all people feel comfortable behind a computer, only some feel comfortable communicating in real life.
Just like people often sing their heart out in the car by themselves to their favorite song, but only some would be comfortable doing it if someone else was in the car.
Just like with the singing analogy there are some people who are comfortable socializing with others behind a computer, however wouldn’t open their mouths in person.
Social Media can in essence bring out the best in people or the worst. You can become recognized as an expert in your field from your interactions and content, or be exposed like a predator on dateline NBC.
Happy New Years Reem!
January 2nd, 2009 at 9:59 am
[...] Rowse asked if social media users are anti-social in real life. We all giggled while passive-aggressively thinking of ways to zing [...]
February 5th, 2009 at 11:04 pm
Soooooooooo,
This is just an annoying correction. Anti-social while not online….Anti-social is synonmous with sociopath/psychopath, i think you mean schizoid personality. Anti-social literally translated = Against-social, not reclusive-social. Anyways, just a little drop of my sparse knowledge.
March 7th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
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November 15th, 2009 at 9:04 am
I concur with Jason Z:
I do think however, that people who have social phobias, anxieties and are generally uncomfortable in social situations are less likely to feel that way in an online community.
As one of those people this is true. Communicating/socializing offline is ocmpletely different. There are the subtilties of body language to attend to, filters through which others judge you: age, height/weight, voice volume, attractiveness or lack thereof; race and gender, how you dress, and so on. People look at you, get a snap shot, and the preconceived notions gained as result color how they respond to you and visa versa.
On line, I don’t have to worry about the fact that my voice is soft, that my rigid body language will betray my anxiety, that I’m not super cute.
I can speak, eloquently, without stuttering and be heard. Really heard. That’s why I like being online and am more social online than in actual life. My boyfriend doesn’t understand it. Why can’t I talk to people in real life the way I can online?
Well,we all know that you just can’t jump into substantive discussions in real life for any number of reasons.