SOCIAL IMPRESSIONS

In the 1940’s, my grandmother married off at the age of 13 to a man twice her age. In the span of a few short years, she gave birth to her first daughter and was pregnant with a boy. She remained with my grandfather until he passed away in the mid-1980’s. To this day, my grandmother has not remarried. My question is what is better: arranged marriages or love marriages?

Although a pragmatic marriage, otherwise known as an arranged marriage, does not give much control over the selection of one’s future spouse, both parties do, in fact, consent to the union. In some cultures, families choose one another based on a mutual interest in property, land or the aim of securing social status. In this way, the arranged marriage can be considered a business merger or even an alliance between two families.

Relying on family to select a potential spouse can be considered an advantage as they have years of wisdom and experience. The family wants to provide their children with protection, security and happiness. However, does this system guarantee their children a happily-ever-after? It is a fact that women remain in abusive relationships to maintain their family pride and respect. On the other hand, my mother and father married under this tradition and have been happily married for 26 years.

Love marriages are ideally based on friendship, respect, familiarity and understanding, unlike arranged marriages in which you marry a stranger with whom you have no history or bond with. In the beginning of every dynamic relationship, there is the “getting-to-know-you” phase where people feel out their boundaries and discover the other’s pet peeves, quirks, and overall personality. Although love alone does not keep the ship afloat, it gives way to wanting to learn more about the significant other and wanting to invest in a relationship during the inevitable trials and tribulations. However, the time and privacy that is necessary for two people to learn more about one another is not afforded in certain cultures. Conservative countries frown upon males and females courting, unless they are officially engaged.

In my opinion, a successful unity between two people requires willingness, compromise, love and dedication. These aspects can be found in either type of marriage. Although my parents’ marriage was arranged, they would never dream of arranging mine. My parents began as friends, and then they developed a deep love for one another. However, they actually fell in love only ten years ago.

I recall asking my mother if that was her intention for me. She responded, “Who is going to marry him, you or me?”